Sometimes We’re So Busy Looking Back, We Forget to See Who We’ve Become…
My big brother had soccer coach training in our area, and so he stayed with the hubs, B, and I overnight. First may I note, that if you had told me ten years ago that my brother would be the coach of his daughter’s soccer team, I probably would have laughed in your face.
It was amazing to see him, but I’ll admit the whole experience was a little surreal. As I made up his bed, and gave him bottled water, and made his coffee in the morning, I think we both had this weird feeling like, “woah…we’re grown adults.” We laughed about when I would brave crashing on his futon in his college dorm, and hit a coffee shop after we’d rolled out of bed midday, because…what was a coffee maker anyway?
As he said goodbye, he brushed his lips to my cheek, and I felt the tickle of his beard. I said “love you bro,” and he said “love you too.” As my door shut I actually laughed out loud to myself. My brother, the soccer coach, who wears a full beard, gives kisses goodbye, and says “love you” without mumbling or blushing. Who was this guy?
I’ve always loved my brother, but my heart swelled with pride at the man, the father, the husband he has become.
It made me think at how I allow myself to forget about the adult I’ve become, and to go back to the mindset of an insecure teenager. I question my decisions, my words, my feelings and actions, placing myself as judge and jury of my own life; and all to often, my verdict is that I come up short.
I will always come up short, I will always make mistakes–but I’m no longer the shy teenager that was too timid to say hello to classmates in the halls of school.
I need to value the sum of the lessons I’ve learned, the experiences that I’ve had and realize that I’m no longer the kid sister.
All too often we ruminate on the mistakes we’ve made, or we think about the people we want to become. In the movie Bridget Jones’ Diary, Mark Darcy tells Bridget “I like you just as you are,” and though it sounds quaint, the scene is completely romantic and sweet (if you’re a sap like me). But rom-coms aside, it draws me to my point: how often do we like and accept ourselves “just as we are?” Yes we’re all a work in progress, in one of my favorite books we’re compared to clay jars.
We’re cracked. But we’re also beautiful and useful, and exactly how God created us to be….just as we are.
What would happen if we lived in this day instead of reliving the mistakes we’ve made and all the ways others have hurt us? What if we thrived in the opportunities placed in front of us knowing that the sum of our experiences has equipped us to live in this moment?
Maybe then, we could be the husbands & wives, fathers & mothers, brothers & sisters that give kisses, and say “I love you’s…“
the kind of people that mentor, that speak truth, and don’t allow fear or self doubt to discourage us from being the people we are called to be.