When I was 5, my mom lost me in a small department store. She thought I was with my dad.
I found a blonde woman with a kind expression on her face. She took me to a clerk that announced my mom’s name in a loud tinny voice over a microphone at the register.
I know now that if my mom had known I was lost, she would have searched for me frantically. She would have performed the kind of urgent red faced dance I do when I lose sight of one of my daughters. As a child though, I bought a small yellow bungee cord that I attached to my mom’s belt loop. Holding the other end, I thought I’d found a fool proof way to always keep my mom close- so she wouldn’t lose me ever again.
How often do I fool myself into thinking that God has lost sight of me or just doesn’t care? How often do I mistrust the people I love and trust most? In life’s uncertainty, I feel like a five year old little girl, lost amidst the shelves of unfamiliar problems, peering up at giants I don’t recognize.
In my insecurities, I hide, run away, and tether myself to false control in the form of approval, possessions, status, and ego. I beg God for my own plans to work out, rather than trusting in His plans.
This week we’re exploring “faithfulness” in our fruit of the Spirit Facebook study. What I’m realizing is that my own capacity to be faithful, depends on trusting God’s faithfulness to me.
I wish I could tell that five year old little girl how much her mommy loves her- how desperate her mom is to keep her safe. But I couldn’t understand this kind of fierce love until I became a parent myself.
I’ve come to learn that my mom’s love reaches further than a four foot bungee. More than that, I get to experience relationships that require a delicate balance of loving and trusting and holding another’s fragile heart in my careful hands. But even in faithful and loving relationships, I can get hurt and I can hurt those I love most. I’ve come to learn that God has designed these complicated relationships for me to seek His faithfulness, and to cultivate a deeper dependence on Him.
I can soak up God’s love and faithfulness to me in his Word, and when I feel lost I can whisper His name and find my way home. From that place of centeredness and security, I can be a faithful wife, compassionate mom, and kind stranger. I might feel lost sometimes, but I never leave His sight.